God in his wisdom created us for relationships, those relationships include parenting, marriage, and friendships and in those relationships we trust our hearts to be held by those we love, 20 years ago I trusted my heart to my husband Steve and he trusted me to hold his too however over these last few years I have broke that bond of trust and allowed others to take the place of that relationship.
For women it is easy when we are feeling neglected and someone else is showing us the attention we so desperately want from our spouse to transfer those feelings to another person showing us attention, this is wrong to do but an easy lie from Satan to fall into. It is so easy for lines to be crossed however innocent things may appear. Let me say that there is nothing wrong with men and women being friends and married men and women being friends with single men and women as long as those relationships are healthy and the boundaries are very clear. God created us ALL for relationships, it is so easy even in the most innocent of relationships to cross a line whether it’s in your mind, with your word or conversations or physically. Sometimes mistakes are made that can forever change relationships, maybe the relationship will heal over time but in most cases they don’t, it changes things forever.
As in most of my post the things I talk about come from life experiences and this one is no different, I almost lost my best friend but even worse than that I almost lost my husband, I am truly a blessed woman to have a husband who woke up and smelled the coffee as the saying goes, he realized just how off kilter our marriage these last few years have been and that by neglecting our marriage that I was slipping away, now in all fairness and in all relationships it takes two so I was not blameless here either but it was so easy to just put my attentions elsewhere. I put My best friend and husbands relationship on the back burner for lack of wanting to try anymore, past attempts were meant without what I felt to be any response, truth is I don’t think either of us cared anymore, even buying a new home together didn’t seem to be the glue we needed to make it work.
God has a purpose and a plan for everything that happens in our lives I firmly believe this! I created some self-made drama that nearly ended my friendship with my other best guy friend, I would like to say that at this point he and I will be fine given some time apart and that will give me the much need time to refocus on my marriage relationship and rebuilding a firm foundation for Steve and me to stand on for the rest of our lives. I am thankful to God above that no lines were crossed with the said friend just some boundaries of trust that can be repaired and the trust rebuilt and when the time comes Steve and I can draw him into friendship together.
How does this tie into broken trust, broken hearts? God gives us our marriages and friendships and when something happens in those relationships that break the bond of trust, it also breaks the heart of God. there has been a lot of talk in our house of how relationships should look like especially those with married couples who have single friends of the opposite sex… We have concluded these relationships should carry healthy boundaries, that time with said friends should mainly consist of a group setting, however having coffee or lunch is fine just not allowing any room for speculation… Also that these can be positive relationships especially if your single friends are looking to you as a married couple to help them find their future husband or wife. It breaks your friend’s hearts, God’s heart and even your own when boundaries are crossed and is even worse if lines are crossed because those are things that make the relationships change and not always for the better.
My said situation will be fine given some time to heal and move past it… As I said before God has a purpose and plan for everything that happens in our lives. I am tired of running from that plan and am now once and for all surrendering myself to God’s will… I will still stumble and fall from time to time but there will always be His purpose for it. God created us not only for relationships but for a purpose and that same very clear plan He had for me on a retreat of His design is the same plan He still wants for me now.
Your will be done God, not mine, please remove me from this season of disobedience into the test passing story you would have me to tell.
On a final and personal note, couples please if you are ever to a stage in your marriage that you feel you would be better apart I encourage you to seek accountability with another seasoned couple you trust to help you and hold you accountable also to not make any life changing choices for 30 days then reevaluate again in and repeat for another 30 days. Please feel free to contact me via email or by leaving your contact info on my blog for some very valuable resources that are working for my husband and I and that can prove to be a value in any marriage.
Repost from a former blog – February 2012
Saved To Serve, Serve To Inspire,