1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in All circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

These verses have been very hard to follow in the last few months, my physical and mental health has taken a nosedive, grief is a fickle fellow and mine started with the unexpected death of my Mom, I have talked about this loss in another blog post but it is the place in which I can see the downward spiral. This time it came in the form of my physical health, I woke up one morning and could barely get out of bed, for the first time in several years I was in a full-on flare up with my Fibromyalgia, I struggled the better part of a month before seeing a doctor who after extensive blood work with questionable results sent me to a specialist thinking I might have Lupus, turns out it was a Fibromyalgia flare-up in full force, a medication was ordered and at this point I had also become deeply depressed as well so I was placed on Cymbalta to help with both issues, I, however, could not start it right away as I had bronchitis on top of everything else.

A few weeks later, I started the medication, at first the lower dose did well then after a couple of weeks it was increased, I did okay for a short time but then I just felt numb all the time, at this point I was sleeping 18-22 hours a day, yes you read that right 18-22 hours a day, getting up to take meds with a little bit of food and bathroom trips only. Things got worse and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and never wake up. My Mom’s death affected me in a very deep way and some days even now it seems like it just happened, outside of my Grandma White, my Mom’s Mom, this was the most immediate death to date.

I need to add that these feelings were already under the surface to say this medication affected me negatively is an understatement; I asked to be removed from this particular drug and placed on a milder depression medication, as I was coming off the Cymbalta it caused my serotonin levels to drop and my depression to become even greater to the point of going from wanting to die to actually making a plan on how to do so, I knew I was in trouble when I went to bed at 10-10:30 p.m. and slept until 3:30 pm the next day, I woke up and had torn my nail beds down to next to nothing, had looked like I had got into a fight with a sidewalk on my nose and no memory of either thing happening. I later learned that this is a form of self-harm; my thoughts kept going to how to make this pain I was feeling both mentally and physically stop for good, which landed me in an unscheduled doctor’s appointment scared out of my mind thinking if given the opportunity I will end it all. I was tired and just done.

That night my very supportive husband and  I called 3 of our closest friends and our pastor to come over and told them what was going on and that in all likelihood I was going to check myself into a mental health facility, I knew enough to know to admit I needed help, but felt I could only trust a very few with this information as there is such a stigma in our society about mental health issues, the next day I went from the therapist office to the ER, that is how you get admitted and from there I was sent to the only bed they had in the whole state of Indiana at that time, a place called Harsha Behavioral Center in Terra Haute. I cried myself to sleep that first night, I had never been to a place like this in my life and I was scared, I prayed a lot too. Turns out God had me right where I should be.

This entire experience has had a profound effect on me, my meds where changed, a couple of different ones added and I learned a lot about my triggers and coping skills, I was in a place with people who were there for all kinds of different reasons but we were all there to help us learn how to deal with our different issues. I won’t bore you with the details of my stay, but I will tell you how this ties into the above scripture. As I said there were people there for various reasons, God was there with me protecting me, before this experience I might have been a bit judging of the stigma that goes along with mental health issues, but I believe God allows us to go through things because someone out there needs to hear your story. I met a woman who also chose to get help and she and I are keeping in touch, I am no one special, my story could easily be someone else’s but I tell you my story because every time even now I stand on the word of God, I believe very strongly in the power of prayer and the above verse have helped me through and continue to help me through a very dark season.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in All circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

My personal journey is not over it has just begun, my official diagnosis is Major Depressive Disorder and PTSD and I will begin therapy this week, there is a long road ahead but I will “give thanks in ALL circumstances” because I know God has a purpose for all we go through.

Saved To Serve A God Styled Life

Maggie P

Deuteronomy 6: 1 – 8

What do these three items have in common? that was the very question I was asking myself as I was looking around my bedroom earlier today. I am a very visual person and like to have visual reminders all around me and around our home. Eight years ago when we purchased our first home we had walked through it and prayed over every room in the house asking God to bless the use of each room.

You see my husband and I knew on paper it didn’t make sense for us to be able to get a home loan but through much prayer and I believe because of my faithfulness in serving God in the very home we were trying to purchase, our home used to be the preschool I taught in for sixteen years of the eighteen it was opened, God had honored my service to Him by allowing what seemed impossible to be possible! So what do the three items above symbolize to me?

The first item is the Holy Bible, it is a visual reminder to always pray and to sew Gods word into my heart, how many time in the very bedroom that once was where my desk sat when it was a preschool is the very room that I prayed to God that if Martha, the owner of the preschool ever went to sell this house she would offer it to me first, and she did, the first time the timing wasn’t right but the second time is when we got serious and gave it to God to open the doors that needed to be open in order to get this very house!! and that He did, as a promise to God when we got this house we would open it up to serving others, it has been a meeting place for Bible study, a place for friends to gather and a place of comfort for those in need.

The book on the stand is a visual reminder and also written by one of my very favorite Christian authors Max Lucado, throughout our home we have a beach house type theme, my husband and I find peace and rest near the water and the beach has always been one of our favorite spots, this past May we went to North Carolina and spent several days at a lake house, my husband would kayak in the early morning and then again in the early evening, in the evenings I would go down to the dock with him and sit and read and or write while he would take the kayak out on an evening excursion, when we left North Carolina we headed to South Carolina and stayed at an Air B&B on the marsh just one mile from Folly Beach, a completely different setting than the lake but just as beautiful, the marsh has its own set of sights and sounds, in the evenings we would sit on the screened-in porch and listen to those sounds it was very relaxing. As I said I am very visual so we have two memory jars filled with thing from both of those trips, which brings me back to Max Lucado’s book in the picture above the title and cover of the said book brings me peace and reminds me to just breathe.

Lastly, we have the turtle in the picture, the turtle is a symbol of us and a turtle was the very first gift my husband gave me for Christmas twenty-nine years ago when we first started dating, it is something that represents a marriage of twenty-eight years and counting. We have visited a turtle sanctuary and hospital, have seen sea turtle nest up close and personal and have a love for these beautiful creatures. My family lives in Florida near the Emerald Coast and the turtle above is one I purchased to help with turtle rescue and survival in that area. The Emerald Coast has become more commercialized and with thousands upon thousands of tourist a year coming to the beaches of South Walton along with the hurricanes that have hit this area especially hurricane Michael, the turtles need help protecting their nesting areas. 

So how does this all tie into Deuteronomy 6:8, it says;” Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.” This scripture was talking about the ten commandments that were just read to the Israelites in chapter 5 when God gave Moses the ten commandments. Webster’s dictionary’s second definition of Symbols is this  ” a thing that represents or stands for something else, especially a material object representing something abstract.” and this is what represents the above picture. There are visual symbols all around us of God in nature and in our everyday life. Don’t forget to stop and reflect on God for He is everywhere.

 

Psalms 23:5

Sometimes it is all I can do to tie a knot and hang on, I have less than an overflowing attitude, it is more like who pulled the plug in the drain? I focus on the do not have instead of what we do have, basically I give in to stinking thinking.   I don’t know what God is trying to teach us in this season, are we about to experience loss the size of Job? Please, God, I hope not.

Right before Christmas, my husband lost his second job, he worked part-time for a local grocery store in addition to his day job, just 9 months before that he had lost his primary job due to the company closing its doors, so we were just recovering from one job loss(my husband found a new primary job) when the grocery store announced they were closing right before Christmas.

We were struggling before this to get caught up and back on track, this was a hard blow to us financially and mentally if it weren’t for the fact that it is sports season and I am a board op for our local radio station there are many weeks we would not have had anything. Now before you think man she is very ungrateful, let me just say, it is only by the grace of God and the people he has put in our lives that we have made it thus far. A fact that is not wasted on me and my mopping.

Sometimes just getting it out and putting a voice to the thoughts is so much better than just keeping it all bottled up. Each week I am struggling to figure out how to pay and what to pay bill wise, there are things like electricity, house payments, loan payments well you get the idea. So let’s get to the overflowing part because my cup does truly overflow! God has placed some wonderful and very giving people in our lives, I won’t call them out by name but I will tell of their importance in our story.

First up are the inter-tribe members of our life, these are the people whom we are closest to, the people who week after week have bought groceries, paper products, filled our gas tanks, bought us WW goodies so we can stay on program, but most importantly they pray with us and for us. There is also that one person who has gone out of her way to help us find a way to lower our house payment so we can keep paying it and hopefully on-time, she too has prayed with and for us.

So you see while things seem bleak, and I can’t figure out what God wants us to learn in this season, maybe it is just to recognize His hand in every aspect of our lives and not just in the seasons of abundance. Today I will rejoice and be glad in it, for this is the day the Lord has made. And as I count my blessings I realize that My Cup Truly Runs Over!

Saved To Serve A God Styled Life,

Maggie P

 

Today is the very last day of a very short month, February 28, 2019, and while this picture above was not taken today it is a reminder that Winter is still here, it also reminds me of what lies beneath the snow and what is to come. So what do cold hands and warm heart have to do with it you ask? well you see outside it may be cold but deep beneath the surface God is allowing growth, Spring is right around the corner and there is so much to look forward to, like the saying right now all we can feel is the cold but we know that the warmth is to come as are sunny days and Spring growth, the same growth that has been buried during the cold season.

So for this last day of February reflect on the Winter’s rest we are experiencing and look forward to the sunshine of the Spring months ahead! God has a purpose and intent for all the seasons of our lives and for the season’s Mother Nature provides, let the seeds that are taking root beneath the surface be like the seeds that take root in our hearts as we rest in God word.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1  it says” There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. The picture above reminds me, while I don’t necessarily enjoy the overcast of a cold Winter’s day, God does give us a beautiful snowy, sunny Winter’s day to enjoy both indoors and out and deep below are the beginnings of the roots that will soon bloom into the beauty of Spring.

Yes Winter to me is a season of rest, a quiet time of reflection and the closing of February reminds me that the warmer, sunny days and the beauty of Fresh joy in the flowers and budding trees of Spring are just around the corner. 

Saved To Serve A God Styled Life,

Maggie P

Today is Valentine’s Day and there is absolutely no money to spend on a gift, so my love this is my gift to you and by the way, the whole wide world will see it! I know that I have been struggling lately and in those struggles, it is easy for me to forget all the reasons why I still choose you, the obvious is that you are a wonderful provider to your family, even when our Daughter was little you have always been a hard worker, sometimes working multiple jobs. 

A long time ago I learned that our faith walks would not be the same, I do know you are a man after Gods own heart and I know you struggle just as I do in that walk sometimes, but at the end of the day I know your priority is putting God first, your wife(me) and family and friends, and then your job.  I love that you ponder the word of God and then share your heart, it is always profound to me the insights God gives you.

Knowing from the moment I first met you that you were the one God had for me, and it was confirmed by our Daughter, you both are the greatest gift from God I have received in this life and I love you both so very much. I don’t want to think of my life without you in it and I know that I don’t always communicate that through my words and actions, but I promise you there is no one else I want to do life with other than you.

One of the most favorite things I love to do with you is to travel, whether it is a day trip, date night/day or road trip my favorite adventure’s are with you! I love how you humor me for a selfie picture, protesting the whole time but like the picture above, those are some of my favorite memories that I can go back and look on.

So, my love, we are not promised tomorrow but as long as I live I will continue to love you, today, tomorrow and forever! thank you for choosing me to be your helpmate, lover, and wife.

Happy Valentine’s Day 2019

Saved To Serve,

Maggie P

 

 

Matthew 25:40

Who are the least of these and did God so love them too? Some are obvious, but others are not, we can look around us at people everywhere and make judgments on their lives but the fact of the matter is in some way we all are the least of these, maybe you suffer abuse that doesn’t show outwardly or you hide from the world, a spouse with an angry temper, mental or verbal abuse. Maybe your the man in the picture who is ridiculed for his gay lifestyle, (we are to love the sinner and not the sin). Home from war and not able to cope, fractured in mind, living on the streets with no home to go to. Mentally broken and so paranoid of all people, drunk and/or drug-ridden.

My point is this, these are the very people that God so loved the world for not just the ones who appear normal, let’s face it, Normal is just a setting on your dryer just ask Patsy Clairmont, not only does she believe this, but also that God uses cracked pots. Okay, enough name dropping and quoting, As I was saying the least of these or those we judge on outward appearances, lifestyles, the way they act, etc… just like you and me they too are why God so loved the world, it’s like reading the Bible and believing what it says, you either believe it all or you don’t believe it at all.

Our circumstances and sin is what breaks Gods heart, He so loved us all that He gave His one and only Son while we were still sinners to stand in the gap of our sin, to pay the high price on our behalf, if that is not the ultimate love I don’t know what is because lets face it none of us deserve it. From this point forward let’s leave the judging to God and show the love of God to all because the truth of the matter is this, we will all stand before God someday and answer for our actions, not for the lifestyle someone else leads, not for anything but what we have chosen to do, the good, the bad and the ugly.

If God can work in a wretched sinners life such as mine then he can work in everyone’s lives, those very circumstances are the very things that make up our stories and while God does not cause it to happen(because of free will) He allows it to happen. I think of a classmate of mine who’s life was spinning out of control, she not only did drugs, she sold them, she was a mess, was in and out of jail, recent years, she got clean, gave her life to the Lord and opened a halfway house in the city she now lives, she oversaw all the process to do so and last year was sentenced to a long jail term for charged that had pended for several years ago in her hometown  where she was originally from, they had really been cracking down on the drug pandemic that has been happing in this community and she had to pay the piper, long story short, she accepted what was to be, went to jail to begin to serve her long sentence and God intervened, she is now back at the halfway house overseeing the day to day operations and sharing her message of hope in a God she truly loves.

She is one of the least of these that God so loved the world for, next time you are walking down a street and see the homeless go buy them a meal, get to know them, learn their stories, don’t judge them. Jesus met people where they were, not where He felt comfortable going. The least of these is all of us and that my friends is who God so loved the world for.

Saved To Serve,

Maggie P

 

 

Psalm 46:10

This is by far one of my favorite photos I have taken over the years of Wintery scenes. I remember standing outside on the bridge where this photo was taken and just hearing the stillness, how do you hear stillness you ask? I could hear God in His creation, the snow as it was falling, the creek as it flowed, the snowflakes as they touched the water when they fell. I know it seems like an oxymoron to say still and express it with movement but God is still even in His movements, there is such a peacefulness, a quiet beauty in this Winter scene.

In Psalm 46:10 God says “Be still and know that I am God” His creation and beauty that surrounds me reminds me of this and when I actually stand still and take it all in, His presence is even more clear to me, stillness is not just in an action but in a moment as well. I captured this moment in time by capturing a photo to remind me to just Be Still, our lives go at warp speed most days, stop, slow down and just be still God is all around you and with you always.

Saved To Serve A God Styled Life,

Maggie P

---

Our lives are the sum of the legacy we leave, so let God guide your legacy.  
Maggie P

Mom arms not only good for hugs, but for corraling the little ones!

 

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of laying my Mom to rest, as the years go by it doesn’t get any easier, it’s just different. I still live with the regret of not having a closer relationship with her or healing what relationship we did have, but over the last 5 years, I have thought often about what was left behind. Mom was a military wife and with that brought strength, but I can honestly say growing up I did not look at it that way, so much of my younger years were spent with my Mom being both parents as my Dad was absent from our lives due to the military sending him to and fro without his family. My Mom’s Mom lived with us and I know that added to my Mom’s stress level, but to top that off I have a younger sister who is challenged and that brought with it its own challenges.

Amazing what you deal with when you don’t have a choice, When my Mom’s Mom died my Mom shut down, it was the year  we moved to Indiana if my memory serves me right, my Dad was stationed in Okinawa, Japan and had to fly home on a quick leave, my Mom dealt with everything by herself, including making arrangement for grandma Whites funeral( her Mom), Mom did well with most things but finances was not her strong suit and as I said she shut down. All this to say I completely understand that response as I did when I lost her as well.

Over the last 5 years, I have thought many times on my Mom’s strengths and the legacy she has left behind, I think about her passion of reading and writing, in the last few years before her death she became a lay speaker in her church body, she also was passionate about hats, this, however, is not something I have acquired, I think what stands out to me most is how she gave of herself selflessly to others in her volunteerism to her community and the surrounding areas. Red Cross and Special Olympics were just two of her passions, Mom coached basketball and volleyball for Special Olympics for my sister’s team, she worked with Red Cross disaster services for more years than I can count.

As I reflect on the legacy my Mom has left I pray that through the gifts and talents that God has given me that I too can pass on a legacy of a life well lived serving others to our daughter. you are missed beyond words everyday Mom, but I know you are home with the Lord, I knew when you said to me you were praying for me that you truly were, you lived an imperfect life in a perfect faith out loud and I pray that I can leave at least half the legacy you have left me.

Saved To Serve A God Styled Life,

Maggie P